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Defiled Eggz

Friday, November 25, 2011

Yesterday marked the 100th successful WASTEgiving (vegan potluck) to which my contribution was "Defiled Eggz" (an adaption of various recipes I found on the internet). Recipe follows.

The Albumen
Get yourself 40 ounces of superfirm tofu: as brick-like as you can find it. Slice it into forty 1" x 2" x .25" miniature monoliths. If you're feeling fancy grab a paring knife and cut them into ovals. And then whether or not you're feeling fancy use a little spoon-like-tool and scoop a small cavity out of the top of each one (in which the "yolk" mixture will later be inserted). Hang onto the tofu cut-offs because you'll be using them in this next part.

The Yolk
Open a can of cannellini (white beans, about 1.5 cups), drain them and dump them into your big food processor. If you have only a small food processor (like I do) you'll probably have to do process this mixture in batches. Add your saved tofu cut-offs and a quarter cup of Vegenaise (though I suppose you could use a different vegan mayonnaise substitute). Finally, add an array of spices. Here's what I use:

(This set of spices, like all sets of spices, is open to interpretation. Adjust to your liking. Behoove the ensuing caveat, however.)

If you haven't already processed the dickens out of this mixture, do it now. If it's not yellow enough add more turmeric. If it's too yellow add more of everything but turmeric. If it's too salty, don't worry about it yet. Now that you have a big bowl of well processed yolk mixture put it in the refrigerator and forget about it until tomorrow. (You should probably put your "albumens" in the fridge too, lest they go bad). It is important that you let the yolk mixture congeal overnight.

[ ...time passes... ]

Now it's tomorrow and you've taken your yolk mixture out of the fridge and you've noticed that the flavor has changed. It's probably less salty tasting than it was yesterday. This is the aforementioned ensuing caveat! You may now want to further spice the mixture to make up for any changes that took place while it was congealing. I usually find I need to add more kala namak. You probably won't need to re-process any additional spices into the mixture at this point; a simple stirring ought to suffice. If you've already scooped the mixture onto the albumens you're going to find it very difficult to enhance each little egg (which is why I reserving the scooping for the next step).

The Scooping
The yolk mixture is now perfect and ready to be scooped into the albumens. Before you do so I recommend salting all of those otherwise fairly bland tasting albumens with fine table salt. It helps. Now start scooping yolk mixture into the cavities atop the albumens. Super easy. Give them good little mounds. After all, the showpiece of this dish is the yolk mixture.
You're not going to use up all the yolk mixture. That's just the way it goes. I like to use the remainder as "egg salad" and put it on toast. You might come up with a better idea.

Garnish & Serving
All of this can be done ahead of time and the little defiled eggz stored in the fridge another day or so. No problem, they're meant to be served cold. And the added congealing time will only serve to strengthen the taste. Nevertheless, it will eventually come time to serve them. Go to your local thrift store and buy a ridiculous "deviled egg serving plate" for a nickel. You can even donate it back when you're finished with it! Delicately arrange your defiled eggz onto the plate (they won't all fit, that's okay) and sprinkle a pinch each of paprika and chives atop each one.

Eat them all yourself or share them with friends, I don't care. Just be sure not to tell anyone the secret ingredient unless they promise to use it for good and never for evil. Or perhaps I have that the wrong way around again.

 

//Chronologically
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